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Dudley's dungeon -- Tuesday, 24 January, 2006

Dudley's dungeon

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Tuesday, 24 January, 2006 by Nameless
                    
 Dudley presents... 
                    
 The top 10 things  
        NOT         
 to give your wife  
  for her birthday  
                    
                    
#10 ring ofThree Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
        [ The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
conflict Your wife hits! |.....|.{.#.| |.....|.....| |.....|--+--| |..@@.-.....+ |.....|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
#9 cloakCloaks are the universal outer garb of everyone who is not a
Barbarian. It is hard to see why. They are open in front
and require you at most times to use one hand to hold them
shut. On horseback they leave the shirt-sleeved arms and
most of the torso exposed to wind and Weather. The OMTs
[ Official Management Terms ] for Cloaks well express their
difficulties. They are constantly _swirling and dripping_
and becoming _heavy with water_ in rainy Weather, _entangling
with trees_ or _swords_, or needing to be _pulled close
around her/his shivering body_. This seems to suggest they
are less than practical for anyone on an arduous Tour.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
of displacement |.....|.{.#.| |.....|.....| |.....|--+--| |...@.-.....+ |.@...|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Kiss me... No, I'm over here. On your left."
#8 iron chain"You are fettered, " said Scrooge, trembling.  "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I
made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my
own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its
pattern strange to you?"
Scrooge trembled more and more.
"Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and
length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as
heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You
have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!"
        [ A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
------------- |.....|.{.#.| |.....|.....| |.....|--+--| |.@_@.-.....+ |.....|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Uh... just what I always wanted..."
#7 worthless piece  
of white glass      
|.....|.{.#.|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|--+--|       
|.@.@.-.....+       
|.....|--+--|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|..(..|       
@ "It's a diamond. Honest."
#6 amulet of"The complete Amulet can keep off all the things that make
people unhappy -- jealousy, bad temper, pride, disagreeableness,
greediness, selfishness, laziness. Evil spirits, people called
them when the Amulet was made. Don't you think it would be nice
to have it?"
"Very," said the children, quite without enthusiasm.
"And it can give you strength and courage."
"That's better," said Cyril.
"And virtue."
"I suppose it's nice to have that," said Jane, but not with much
interest.
"And it can give you your heart's desire."
"Now you're talking," said Robert.
        [ The Story of the Amulet, by Edith Nesbit ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
ESP ------------- |.....|.{@#.| |.....|.....| |.....|--+--| |.@...-.....+ |.....|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Don't think I can't see you kicking that sink!"
#5 short sword      
-------------       
|.....|.{.#.|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|--+--|       
|.@.@.-.....+       
|.....|--+--|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|..(..|       
@ "Is this some kind of a metaphore?"
#4 kicking boots    
Your wife kicks!    
|.....|.{.#.|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|--+--|       
|..@@.-.....+       
|.....|--+--|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|..(..|       
@ "Ow! Alright! I'll do the washing today!"
#3 scrollAnd I was gazing on the surges prone,
With many a scalding tear and many a groan,
When at my feet emerg'd an old man's hand,
Grasping this scroll, and this same slender wand.
I knelt with pain--reached out my hand--had grasp'd
Those treasures--touch'd the knuckles--they unclasp'd--
I caught a finger: but the downward weight
O'erpowered me--it sank. Then 'gan abate
The storm, and through chill aguish gloom outburst
The comfortable sun. I was athirst
To search the book, and in the warming air
Parted its dripping leaves with eager care.
Strange matters did it treat of, and drew on
My soul page after page, till well-nigh won
Into forgetfulness; when, stupefied,
I read these words, and read again, and tried
My eyes against the heavens, and read again.
        [ Endymion, by John Keats ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
of earth ------------- |.....|.{.#.| |.....|.....| |```..|--+--| |`@`@.-.....+ |```..|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Well done Dudley, well done."
#2 speed boots      
Your wife nags!     
Your wife nags!     
|.....|.....|       
|.....|--+--|       
|..@@.-.....+       
|.....|--+--|       
|.....|.....|       
|.....|..(..|       
#1 Amulet of"The complete Amulet can keep off all the things that make
people unhappy -- jealousy, bad temper, pride, disagreeableness,
greediness, selfishness, laziness. Evil spirits, people called
them when the Amulet was made. Don't you think it would be nice
to have it?"
"Very," said the children, quite without enthusiasm.
"And it can give you strength and courage."
"That's better," said Cyril.
"And virtue."
"I suppose it's nice to have that," said Jane, but not with much
interest.
"And it can give you your heart's desire."
"Now you're talking," said Robert.
        [ The Story of the Amulet, by Edith Nesbit ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Yendor |.....|.{.#.| |.....|.....| |.....|--+--| |.@.@.-.....+ |.....|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Aw, thanks love. You didn't have to."
The WizardEbenezum walked before me along the closest thing we could
find to a path in these overgrown woods. Every few paces he
would pause, so that I, burdened with a pack stuffed with
arcane and heavy paraphernalia, could catch up with his
wizardly strides. He, as usual, carried nothing, preferring,
as he often said, to keep his hands free for quick conjuring
and his mind free for the thoughts of a mage.
        [ A Dealing with Demons, by Craig Shaw Gardner ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
of Yendor hits your wife! |.....|.....| |.@...|--+--| |@@.@.-.....+ |.....|--+--| |.....|.....| |.....|..(..|
@ "Uh-oh."


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Rating

002338
Average rating: Excellent
Number of ratings: 43

Comments

Mantar January 24, 2006 02:03
First comment: 17 June, 2004 197 comments written
One of the best comics in recent memory. I especially liked #6.
Matt M P January 24, 2006 07:56
First comment: 13 October, 2004 23 comments written
I agree, I eagerly await the top ten things that are good to get your wife on her b-day from nethack.
Eemeli January 24, 2006 09:07
First comment: 2 March, 2005 143 comments written
Great Nameless =D
  January 24, 2006 22:22
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
Very nice.
Btw, my "nethack captcha" was Which character represents an iron ball"You are fettered, " said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I
made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my
own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its
pattern strange to you?"
Scrooge trembled more and more.
"Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and
length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as
heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You
have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!"
        [ A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
?
Mikoangelo January 24, 2006 22:48
First comment: 19 October, 2005 82 comments written
Now that's humor.
Simon Richard Clarkstone January 28, 2006 00:59
First comment: 6 February, 2005 18 comments written
That was the most I have ever laughed at a Dudley comic ever, AFAICR. (The one that comes second is: http://nicolaas.net/dudley/archive.php?f=20040318)
Well done Nameless!
Aeschylus January 28, 2006 06:43
First comment: 2 December, 2005 22 comments written
"Which character represents an altarAltars are of three types:
1. In Temples. These are for Sacrifices [...]. The stone
top will have grooves for blood, and the whole will be covered
with _dry brown stains of a troubling kind_ from former
Sacrifices.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

To every man upon this earth
Death cometh soon or late;
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his gods?
        [ Lays of Ancient Rome, by Thomas B. Macaulay ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, or an iron chain"You are fettered, " said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I
made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my
own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its
pattern strange to you?"
Scrooge trembled more and more.
"Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and
length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as
heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You
have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!"
        [ A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
?" lol
Awesome comic. Second only to the redshift one...
GaryOlson February 4, 2006 05:57
First comment: 5 November, 2005 8 comments written
6 & 7 are just outstanding! Although 2 has a bit of truth to it
Fathead July 19, 2006 21:51
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
Nice. But I didn't get #5
Gadora September 26, 2006 01:26
First comment: 21 September, 2006 88 comments written
There needs to be a rating higher for excellent for the ones this good.
Grognor April 17, 2007 07:58
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
Utter genius.
Kassil the Erratic April 17, 2007 09:22
First comment: 17 April, 2007 28 comments written
Fathead: It was a perverse remark about Dudley's "manhood". QED.

And I dunno, I think a lot of guys would appreciate Rodney turning up to take out their wives...
Squeegy August 6, 2007 08:46
First comment: 6 August, 2007 17 comments written
This might be my favorite comic.
Quint Sakugarne January 2, 2008 05:16
First comment: 1 January, 2008 233 comments written
I'd rate the jokes only "good", but 10-in-1 makes them collectively enough to be "excellent".

I especially liked the "@_@".
Vins April 11, 2008 23:05
First comment: 4 April, 2008 13 comments written
LOL.Soooooooo funny
:P
Dani June 7, 2008 21:01
First comment: 7 June, 2008 39 comments written
So damn true. E.
Nate879 October 11, 2008 04:21
First comment: 11 October, 2008 8 comments written
This is excellent.

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