Dudley's dungeon

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Monday, 23 July, 2007 by SQLGuru
You cast knock      
A doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
appears in the wall! # ---+--- |.....| |.....| #####@+.....| -------
You cast knock      
The doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
unlocks! ######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| #####@+.....| -------
You hear a mumbled  
curseCurses are longstanding ill-wishings which, in Fantasyland,
often manifest as semisentient. They have to be broken or
dispelled. The method varies according to the type and
origin of the Curse:
[...]
4. Curses on Rings and Swords. You have problems. Rings
have to be returned whence they came, preferably at over a
thousand degrees Fahrenheit, and the Curse means you won't
want to do this. Swords usually resist all attempts to
raise their Curses. Your best source is to hide the Sword
or give it to someone you dislike.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. ######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| #####@+.....| -------
You open the doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| #####@-%%%%%| -------
You pick up the     
orangeWhat was the fruit like?  Unfortunately, no one can describe
a taste. All I can say is that, compared with those fruits,
the freshest grapefruit you've ever eaten was dull, and the
juiciest orange was dry, and the most melting pear was hard
and woody, and the sweetest wild strawberry was sour. And
there were no seeds or stones, and no wasps. If you had once
eaten that fruit, all the nicest things in this world would
taste like medicines after it. But I can't describe it. You
can't find out what it is like unless you can get to that
country and taste it for yourself.
        [ The Last Battle, by C.S. Lewis ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| ######-@%%%%| -------
You pick up the     
orangeWhat was the fruit like?  Unfortunately, no one can describe
a taste. All I can say is that, compared with those fruits,
the freshest grapefruit you've ever eaten was dull, and the
juiciest orange was dry, and the most melting pear was hard
and woody, and the sweetest wild strawberry was sour. And
there were no seeds or stones, and no wasps. If you had once
eaten that fruit, all the nicest things in this world would
taste like medicines after it. But I can't describe it. You
can't find out what it is like unless you can get to that
country and taste it for yourself.
        [ The Last Battle, by C.S. Lewis ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| ######-.@%%%| -------
You pick up the     
orangeWhat was the fruit like?  Unfortunately, no one can describe
a taste. All I can say is that, compared with those fruits,
the freshest grapefruit you've ever eaten was dull, and the
juiciest orange was dry, and the most melting pear was hard
and woody, and the sweetest wild strawberry was sour. And
there were no seeds or stones, and no wasps. If you had once
eaten that fruit, all the nicest things in this world would
taste like medicines after it. But I can't describe it. You
can't find out what it is like unless you can get to that
country and taste it for yourself.
        [ The Last Battle, by C.S. Lewis ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| ######-..@%%| -------
You pick up the     
orangeWhat was the fruit like?  Unfortunately, no one can describe
a taste. All I can say is that, compared with those fruits,
the freshest grapefruit you've ever eaten was dull, and the
juiciest orange was dry, and the most melting pear was hard
and woody, and the sweetest wild strawberry was sour. And
there were no seeds or stones, and no wasps. If you had once
eaten that fruit, all the nicest things in this world would
taste like medicines after it. But I can't describe it. You
can't find out what it is like unless you can get to that
country and taste it for yourself.
        [ The Last Battle, by C.S. Lewis ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| ######-...@%| -------
You pick up the     
bananaHe took another step and she cocked her right wrist in
viciously. She heard the spring click. Weight slapped into
her hand.
"Here!" she shrieked hysterically, and brought her arm up in
a hard sweep, meaning to gut him, leaving him to blunder
around the room with his intestines hanging out in steaming
loops. Instead he roared laughter, hands on his hips,
flaming face cocked back, squeezing and contorting with great
good humor.
"Oh, my dear!" he cried, and went off into another gale of
laughter.
She looked stupidly down at her hand. It held a firm yellow
banana with a blue and white Chiquita sticker on it. She
dropped it, horrified, to the carpet, where it became a
sickly yellow grin, miming Flagg's own.
"You'll tell," he whispered. "Oh yes indeed you will."
And Dayna knew he was right.
        [ The Stand, by Stephen King ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
######## # ---+--- |.....| |.....| ######-....@| -------
That's the long way to make a bad knock-knock joke.


http://dudley.nicolaas.net
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Rating

62258
Average rating: Fair
Number of ratings: 23

Comments

Mikoangelo July 23, 2007 01:08
First comment: 19 October, 2005 82 comments written
What

The

Fuck?
Wonderer July 23, 2007 02:25
First comment: 22 March, 2007 106 comments written
Right...

There is a variant of the tired and generally godawful knock-knock joke, which involves oranges and bananas. You can read it in the obvious place. Just search for 'bananaHe took another step and she cocked her right wrist in
viciously. She heard the spring click. Weight slapped into
her hand.
"Here!" she shrieked hysterically, and brought her arm up in
a hard sweep, meaning to gut him, leaving him to blunder
around the room with his intestines hanging out in steaming
loops. Instead he roared laughter, hands on his hips,
flaming face cocked back, squeezing and contorting with great
good humor.
"Oh, my dear!" he cried, and went off into another gale of
laughter.
She looked stupidly down at her hand. It held a firm yellow
banana with a blue and white Chiquita sticker on it. She
dropped it, horrified, to the carpet, where it became a
sickly yellow grin, miming Flagg's own.
"You'll tell," he whispered. "Oh yes indeed you will."
And Dayna knew he was right.
        [ The Stand, by Stephen King ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
' on that pageThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the
earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but
occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit
mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often
resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of
using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the
Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knock-knock_joke

But this version...is bad. It's mindbogglingly horrible. It completely misses the only part of the original joke which might be sort of funny in the very broadest meaning of that word. And then it's written with NetHack items and messages. The ironic part is that this could actually be a Joke That Doesn't Work In NetHack, unlike the previous ones which simply didn't work at all. OK, without the proper punchline this doesn't work anywhere either. Maybe the joke is that there's no real joke and on top of that it's told totally wrong. The use of NH gear is sort of clever, though...maybe...at least it hasn't been done before.

I'm stunned, confused and blinded by this strip. I refuse to rate it because it might wrap the rating variable and become excellent. It's like watching Plan 9 from Outer Space or something similar.

Excuse me. I have to go and stab myself with a unicorn hornMen have always sought the elusive unicorn, for the single
twisted horn which projected from its forehead was thought to
be a powerful talisman. It was said that the unicorn had
simply to dip the tip of its horn in a muddy pool for the water
to become pure. Men also believed that to drink from this horn
was a protection against all sickness, and that if the horn was
ground to a powder it would act as an antidote to all poisons.
Less than 200 years ago in France, the horn of a unicorn was
used in a ceremony to test the royal food for poison.

Although only the size of a small horse, the unicorn is a very
fierce beast, capable of killing an elephant with a single
thrust from its horn. Its fleetness of foot also makes this
solitary creature difficult to capture. However, it can be
tamed and captured by a maiden. Made gentle by the sight of a
virgin, the unicorn can be lured to lay its head in her lap, and
in this docile mood, the maiden may secure it with a golden rope.
[ Mythical Beasts, by Deirdre Headon (The Leprechaun Library) ]

Martin took a small sip of beer. "Almost ready," he said.
"You hold your beer awfully well."
Tlingel laughed. "A unicorn's horn is a detoxicant. Its
possession is a universal remedy. I wait until I reach the
warm glow stage, then I use my horn to burn off any excess and
keep me right there."
        [ Unicorn Variations, by Roger Zelazny ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. You do the rating.
Dav July 23, 2007 02:53
First comment: 26 June, 2004 147 comments written
Weird but cute.
Callie July 23, 2007 03:43
First comment: 16 July, 2007 31 comments written
...wtf
SomeoneElse July 23, 2007 03:57
First comment: 11 September, 2006 143 comments written
Dion must be desperate for comic entries. I would enter in some myself, but I can't think of anything funny, and I don't want to be responsible for yet another bad strip.
Antheridium July 23, 2007 04:39
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
It made me smile at least.
L July 23, 2007 10:36
First comment: 10 February, 2005 285 comments written
Voted "mediocre" for getting the order of the fruits wrong.

Otherwise, fair enough.
  July 23, 2007 11:46
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
This would be bad enough as it was, but to get the order of the fruits wrong just made it... Bah.
ayrnieu July 23, 2007 17:53
First comment: 23 July, 2007 1 comments written
Cute!

Aside: how well do 'closed for inventory' shopkeepers react to a doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
opened by means of the Knock spell?
rpresser July 23, 2007 18:20
First comment: 6 October, 2005 51 comments written
Shopkeepers don't care if you open their doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
"peacefully", via key or knock spell or wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
opening. They just dislike damaged doors.
Antheridium July 23, 2007 20:16
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
You can also use lockpicks or a credit card to open the doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, and it won't make them mad. They just... like he said.
Simon Richard Clarkstone July 23, 2007 20:50
First comment: 6 February, 2005 18 comments written
Right! Enough! I will write one! (My previous was very highly rated.)
Mordae July 23, 2007 20:51
First comment: 11 May, 2007 116 comments written
If the penalty for writing a negative comment was writing a good comic, we wouldn't have issues like these :) It's at least a novel concept and not another newt(kinds of) small animal, like a lizard, which spends most of
its time in the water.
        [ Oxford's Student's Dictionary of Current English ]

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
        [ Macbeth, by William Shakespeare ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
joke.
Grognor July 23, 2007 21:17
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
You know, I can't help but think that at least a few of those comments spawned from bandwagon issues. This comic brought a smile to my face as I was reminded of one of my least favorite jokes ever. And that's all it takes to mollify me of losing my touristThe road from Ankh-Morpork to Chrim is high, white and
winding, a thirty-league stretch of potholes and half-buried
rocks that spirals around mountains and dips into cool green
valleys of citrus trees, crosses liana-webbed gorges on
creaking rope bridges and is generally more picturesque than
useful.
Picturesque. That was a new word to Rincewind the wizard
(BMgc, Unseen University [failed]). It was one of a number
he had picked up since leaving the charred ruins of
Ankh-Morpork. Quaint was another one. Picturesque meant --
he decided after careful observation of the scenery that
inspired Twoflower to use the word -- that the landscape was
horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the
occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-
ridden and tumbledown.
Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld.
Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant "idiot".
        [ The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
with SDSM.

:(
now I'm sad again.
Wonderer July 23, 2007 21:32
First comment: 22 March, 2007 106 comments written
OK, I'm no longer stunned or blind. I'm still confused, though. Really confused.

- If you don't know 'knock knock' jokes, this comic doesn't make a tiniest bit of sense.
- If you know 'knock knock' jokes but not this one, it doesn't make much sense.
- If you've heard this one but can't really remember it, this makes halfway sense. Then you're lost.
- If you know this one well, it's either horribly wrong or strangely amusing as it becomes a Joke That Does Not Work. It can be some kind of triple-reverse psychology. Augh!

Most likely it's really stupid but it can also be genius. The knocking part was good. How about the rest? Have we all been had? I still can't rate it! HELP! Oh SQLGuru, tell us!

I'm feeling more and more confused.
Mantar July 23, 2007 23:31
First comment: 17 June, 2004 197 comments written
The reference hit me in the last frame when the bananaHe took another step and she cocked her right wrist in
viciously. She heard the spring click. Weight slapped into
her hand.
"Here!" she shrieked hysterically, and brought her arm up in
a hard sweep, meaning to gut him, leaving him to blunder
around the room with his intestines hanging out in steaming
loops. Instead he roared laughter, hands on his hips,
flaming face cocked back, squeezing and contorting with great
good humor.
"Oh, my dear!" he cried, and went off into another gale of
laughter.
She looked stupidly down at her hand. It held a firm yellow
banana with a blue and white Chiquita sticker on it. She
dropped it, horrified, to the carpet, where it became a
sickly yellow grin, miming Flagg's own.
"You'll tell," he whispered. "Oh yes indeed you will."
And Dayna knew he was right.
        [ The Stand, by Stephen King ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
came up. This joke strangely goes all the way through "not-funny" and comes out the other side. Somehow it made me laugh out loud, perhaps because it's so terrible, and yet so earnest and just trying SO HARD.
acheron July 24, 2007 06:09
First comment: 1 June, 2004 63 comments written
Ok, I first heard the knock-knock joke this is referencing when I was about 7 years old. I realize that if you're not a native English speaker, you may not have been exposed to the same jokes, but that doesn't make this a bad comic just because you don't get it.

Though I guess I don't know why the oranges and bananas are reversed, but, well, why not?
Wonderer July 24, 2007 22:00
First comment: 22 March, 2007 106 comments written
Well, if a comic is meant to amuse its audience and it doesn't (for example due to people not 'getting it'), it is bad in some sense. If we trust the poll, on average this one is 'fair' at the moment of writing. If you absolutely want to reenact an old joke, how about writing so that it works for the new audience too? It might improve your ratings...

(Concerning native languages, I believe even this comic's original author lives in the Netherlands. It could be a good idea to check out the map on the statistics pageThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the
earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but
occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit
mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often
resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of
using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the
Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
before writing jokes too strictly limited to a single culture.)

Now, after this overanalysing I think I'll take a little break from commenting and just rate silently. I still can't rate this one, though.

As a bonus, now I appreciate even the newt(kinds of) small animal, like a lizard, which spends most of
its time in the water.
        [ Oxford's Student's Dictionary of Current English ]

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
        [ Macbeth, by William Shakespeare ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
jokes much more.
Fathead July 27, 2007 03:57
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
That was so stupid that I liked it!
Fathead July 27, 2007 03:59
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
Oh, and Dion? Would you please get rid of the first comment? If my admin finds this out, he may block the site.
  December 21, 2007 23:26
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
Oh yeah. Good stuff. (yes, I have kids)

http://dudley.nicolaas.net
Want to contribute? Write an email to dudley@nicolaas.net!
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