Dudley's dungeon

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Monday, 28 May, 2007 by Dol
                    
                    
 Due to the ascii-  
 graphic nature of  
 this strip, viewer 
   discretion is    
      advised.      
                    
                    
                    
 _  _  __  __   ___ 
| |/ //  \|   \/  _|
|   /| /\ | |) )_(_ 
|   \| \/ |  _/ _) \
|_|\_\\__/|_|  |___/
                    
                    
                    
                    
    ---------       
    |.......|   ####
    |...K...-####   
  ##-.......|   #   
### |.#.....|   ### 
#   ---------     ##
                    
  Officer Tehiezel  
K "Nasty place this dungeon, let me tell you. There are weapons literally lying around."
------        #     
.....|   ######     
.....-####          
.....|   #   -------
.....|   #K# |......
------     ##-....>.
             |......
             -------
                    
K "Crimes are all too common — fights, theft, prostitution, even murder! You name it."
           ###      
           #        
       ----|--      
###    |.....|      
  #    |..K<.|      
  #####-.....|      
       -------      
                    
                    
K "These adventurers have no respect for the law — not even those so-called lawfuls!"
An alarm sounds!    
                   #
----               #
...|           ----|
...-####K##    |....
...|      #    |...<
----      #####-....
               -----
                    
K "And guess what? We're lucky up here. On the lower levels you need the ARMY! It's just..."
                    
   ###########      
   #       --|----  
   #       |.K...|  
   #       |...K.-##
   #       |K....|  
   #       --K----  
---|--       K      
%=../|       #K#    
You throw a cream   
pie. The cream pie  
hits Dudley!        
                    
   ######@#KKK      
   #       --|----  
   #       |.KK..|  
   #       |..K..-##
   #       |.....|  
K "OK, you little rascal! Stop right there — and don't try anything funny!"
@ "Aiee!"
You hit Dudley!     
Asidonhopo zaps a   
wand'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. Dudley is hit! ########@@# # --K---- # |KKK..| # |..K..-K# # |.K...|
K "Thanks, Asidonhopo. Kids today...they just don't stop until you zap them."
@ "No problem."
You hit Dudley!     
      ------------- 
      |K..........| 
    ##-KK_..K.....| 
    # |..._@_.....| 
--- # |......__KK.-#
..### ------------- 
>.|                 
---                 
@ "Ow!"
K "Boss, the camera is on..."
K "Bah, I'll make them cut it out later."
You close the doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. You lock the doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. ------------|.....<. |..|..|..|Y.|..K__.. |G.|..|.@|..|.__.K.. -#+-#+-#+-#+|..K.... ........K...+....... -#+-#+-#+-#+|....... |..|..|..|H.|.......
K "...you have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, tough luck..."
@ "Hrmph."
            |.......
------------|....K<.
|..|..|..|Y.|...K...
|.G|..|.@|..|.......
-#+-#+-#+-#+|.......
............+.......
-#+-#+-#+-#+|.......
|..|..|@.|.H|.......
|..|@.|..|..|.......
K "And so it goes on. Another day in the dungeon."
@ "Wasn't this supposed to be MY show?!"


http://dudley.nicolaas.net
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Rating

00358
Average rating: Good
Number of ratings: 16

Comments

Ranter May 28, 2007 02:49
First comment: 13 February, 2007 12 comments written
Not really much of a rant, but I hope this is a story arc.
  May 28, 2007 08:36
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
I'd've always really preferred if they threw you to jail instead of just mercilessly killing you. Then you could have a little side questMany, possibly most, Tours are organized as a Quest. This
is like a large-scale treasure hunt, with clues scattered
all over the continent, a few false leads, Mystical Masters
as game-show hosts, and the Dark Lord and the Terrain to
make the Quest interestingly difficult. [...]
In order to be assured of your future custom, the Management
has a further Rule: Tourists, far from being rewarded for
achieving their Quest Object, must then go on to conquer
the Dark Lord or set about Saving the World, or both. And
why not? By then you will have had a lot of practice in
that sort of thing and, besides, the Quest Object is usually
designed to help you do it.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
getting out of there.
Ranter May 28, 2007 08:41
First comment: 13 February, 2007 12 comments written
Exactly why this should be a story arc. It's been too long since I watched a prison break.
Antheridium May 28, 2007 14:32
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
Police brutality is always funny. Then again, so was panel 8.

I have to ask, though. What are those underscores in the middle of the floor? Chains? Tables? Partitions? Something else? I couldn't figure out what they wereIn 1573, the Parliament of Dole published a decree, permitting
the inhabitants of the Franche-Comte to pursue and kill a
were-wolf or loup-garou, which infested that province,
"notwithstanding the existing laws concerning the chase."
The people were empowered to "assemble with javelins,
halberds, pikes, arquebuses and clubs, to hunt and pursue the
said were-wolf in all places where they could find it, and to
take, burn, and kill it, without incurring any fine or other
penalty." The hunt seems to have been successful, if we may
judge from the fact that the same tribunal in the following
year condemned to be burned a man named Giles Garnier, who
ran on all fours in the forest and fields and devoured little
children, "even on Friday." The poor lycanthrope, it appears,
had as slight respect for ecclesiastical feasts as the French
pig, which was not restrained by any feeling of piety from
eating infants on a fast day.
        [ The History of Vampires, by Dudley Wright ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
doing there.
Fathead May 28, 2007 20:43
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
That was...odd.

Sorry, I was kinda out of it at the time.
Dol May 28, 2007 22:07
First comment: 27 March, 2007 24 comments written
Sorry, it's just a single spoof. At least for now. But who knows...maybe Dudley can afford an attorney and this continues some day as a court drama, not a prison escape?

Some details for those who may have missed them:
- Police chief Tehiezel appeared in the original Keystone Cops (yes, with a C) movies, 1912-1917. The K spelling is a later mistake, also seen in Nethack.
- COPS is one of the longest running TV series in the US and A. There have been over 650 episodes and almost as many spoofs this far.
- Electroshock weapons or "stun guns" or just "zappers" are occasionally used to stop people.
- An underscore is indeed an iron chain"You are fettered, " said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?"
"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I
made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my
own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its
pattern strange to you?"
Scrooge trembled more and more.
"Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and
length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as
heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You
have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!"
        [ A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. No heavy iron balls this time, sorry.
- This prison actually exists in Nethack. You can save Dudley yourself. (sort of)

I hope this explains some of the obscure bits. Maybe the next strip will be common hacking again. It seems to get better ratings. ;-)
Slowpoke May 28, 2007 22:26
First comment: 27 February, 2007 239 comments written
Bad Dudley, Bad Dudley, whatcha gonna do when they come for you, Bad Dudley.
Ranter May 29, 2007 00:14
First comment: 13 February, 2007 12 comments written
This prison exists in NetHack?

Where?
Antheridium May 29, 2007 01:00
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
One of the QuestMany, possibly most, Tours are organized as a Quest. This
is like a large-scale treasure hunt, with clues scattered
all over the continent, a few false leads, Mystical Masters
as game-show hosts, and the Dark Lord and the Terrain to
make the Quest interestingly difficult. [...]
In order to be assured of your future custom, the Management
has a further Rule: Tourists, far from being rewarded for
achieving their Quest Object, must then go on to conquer
the Dark Lord or set about Saving the World, or both. And
why not? By then you will have had a lot of practice in
that sort of thing and, besides, the Quest Object is usually
designed to help you do it.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Goal levels, I think. Possibly the WizardEbenezum walked before me along the closest thing we could
find to a path in these overgrown woods. Every few paces he
would pause, so that I, burdened with a pack stuffed with
arcane and heavy paraphernalia, could catch up with his
wizardly strides. He, as usual, carried nothing, preferring,
as he often said, to keep his hands free for quick conjuring
and his mind free for the thoughts of a mage.
        [ A Dealing with Demons, by Craig Shaw Gardner ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
one, I seem to recall that being one of the levels with a prison.
PeterGFin May 29, 2007 21:35
First comment: 15 March, 2007 3 comments written
More TV spin-offs please! The Munsters anyone?
Strephon May 30, 2007 05:03
First comment: 12 March, 2007 17 comments written
The dungeon shown in the comic looks like the one from the WizardEbenezum walked before me along the closest thing we could
find to a path in these overgrown woods. Every few paces he
would pause, so that I, burdened with a pack stuffed with
arcane and heavy paraphernalia, could catch up with his
wizardly strides. He, as usual, carried nothing, preferring,
as he often said, to keep his hands free for quick conjuring
and his mind free for the thoughts of a mage.
        [ A Dealing with Demons, by Craig Shaw Gardner ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
questMany, possibly most, Tours are organized as a Quest. This
is like a large-scale treasure hunt, with clues scattered
all over the continent, a few false leads, Mystical Masters
as game-show hosts, and the Dark Lord and the Terrain to
make the Quest interestingly difficult. [...]
In order to be assured of your future custom, the Management
has a further Rule: Tourists, far from being rewarded for
achieving their Quest Object, must then go on to conquer
the Dark Lord or set about Saving the World, or both. And
why not? By then you will have had a lot of practice in
that sort of thing and, besides, the Quest Object is usually
designed to help you do it.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, but there's also a jail in the TouristThe road from Ankh-Morpork to Chrim is high, white and
winding, a thirty-league stretch of potholes and half-buried
rocks that spirals around mountains and dips into cool green
valleys of citrus trees, crosses liana-webbed gorges on
creaking rope bridges and is generally more picturesque than
useful.
Picturesque. That was a new word to Rincewind the wizard
(BMgc, Unseen University [failed]). It was one of a number
he had picked up since leaving the charred ruins of
Ankh-Morpork. Quaint was another one. Picturesque meant --
he decided after careful observation of the scenery that
inspired Twoflower to use the word -- that the landscape was
horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the
occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-
ridden and tumbledown.
Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld.
Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant "idiot".
        [ The Colour of Magic, by Terry Pratchett ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
questMany, possibly most, Tours are organized as a Quest. This
is like a large-scale treasure hunt, with clues scattered
all over the continent, a few false leads, Mystical Masters
as game-show hosts, and the Dark Lord and the Terrain to
make the Quest interestingly difficult. [...]
In order to be assured of your future custom, the Management
has a further Rule: Tourists, far from being rewarded for
achieving their Quest Object, must then go on to conquer
the Dark Lord or set about Saving the World, or both. And
why not? By then you will have had a lot of practice in
that sort of thing and, besides, the Quest Object is usually
designed to help you do it.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
Grognor May 30, 2007 23:00
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
Heh.
Indeed, I believe that's the wizardEbenezum walked before me along the closest thing we could
find to a path in these overgrown woods. Every few paces he
would pause, so that I, burdened with a pack stuffed with
arcane and heavy paraphernalia, could catch up with his
wizardly strides. He, as usual, carried nothing, preferring,
as he often said, to keep his hands free for quick conjuring
and his mind free for the thoughts of a mage.
        [ A Dealing with Demons, by Craig Shaw Gardner ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
questMany, possibly most, Tours are organized as a Quest. This
is like a large-scale treasure hunt, with clues scattered
all over the continent, a few false leads, Mystical Masters
as game-show hosts, and the Dark Lord and the Terrain to
make the Quest interestingly difficult. [...]
In order to be assured of your future custom, the Management
has a further Rule: Tourists, far from being rewarded for
achieving their Quest Object, must then go on to conquer
the Dark Lord or set about Saving the World, or both. And
why not? By then you will have had a lot of practice in
that sort of thing and, besides, the Quest Object is usually
designed to help you do it.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.

Quite a good one.

http://dudley.nicolaas.net
Want to contribute? Write an email to dudley@nicolaas.net!
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