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Dudley's dungeon -- Thursday, 1 May, 2008

Dudley's dungeon

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Thursday, 1 May, 2008 by The Lurker
       .....        
       |...|        
       |...|        
       |...|        
      --...|        
      |....-------- 
      |..@......... 
      -.....|------ 
      -------       
.&..|       |..|    
&:&.|       |..|    
.&..|       |..|    
....|       |..|    
.&..---------..-----
.....@..............
....................
....------------..--
....|          |..| 
@ "...!"
.&..|       |..|    
&:&.|       |..|    
.&..|       |..|    
....|       |.@|    
.&..---------@.-----
....................
....................
....------------..--
....|          |..| 
@ "Complete a mission for me and I'll help defeat the guards."
.&..|       |..|    
&:&.|       |..|    
.&..|       |..|    
....|       |..|    
.&..---------..-----
....................
....................
....------------.@--
....|          |@.| 
@ "Complete this mission for me and I'll give you what you ask."
.&..|       |..|    
&:&.|       |..|    
.&..|       |..|    
....|       |..|    
.&..---------..-----
@.@..@@.............
.@@@.....@@.........
....------------..--
..@@|          |..| 
@ "Complete a mission for me and I'll assist you."
.&..|       |..|    
&:&.|       |..|    
.&..|       |..|    
...&|       |..|    
....---------..-----
.........@@........@
..................@.
....------------..--
....|          |..| 
@ "Help me ..."
@ "...All right, that's it!"
Do you really want  
to leave Jerusalem? 
(Y/N) y             
..&.|       |..|    
....----@----..-----
....................
....................
....------------..--
....|          |..| 
@ <
An invisible choir  
sings, and you are  
bathed in radiance  
...                 
                    
                    
                    
A strange voice     
thunders:           
                    
                    
    ---------       
    |...@...|       
    |......@|       
    |\@.....|       
    |....@..+       
    ---------       
                    
@ "Welcome back, Miles."
@ "Noooooo!"


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Rating

44730
Average rating: Fair
Number of ratings: 18

Comments

@ May 1, 2008 00:53
First comment: 26 July, 2004 155 comments written
..what?
Wellan May 1, 2008 02:16
First comment: 27 November, 2007 247 comments written
Huh?
Wonderer May 1, 2008 02:40
First comment: 22 March, 2007 106 comments written
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassin's_Creed

...I think. Never played it. All I know is that its backstory is something utterly dreadful.

Oh, what' the heck. I'll just go "Huh?" too.
Wellan May 1, 2008 03:05
First comment: 27 November, 2007 247 comments written
I think I'm going to have to go with poor for complete obscurity.
Grey Knight May 1, 2008 11:43
First comment: 20 October, 2005 116 comments written
Needs more cowbell (and explication).
Feory May 1, 2008 12:28
First comment: 15 August, 2006 63 comments written
It's just an assassin's creed-y thing, and doesn't actually have a punchline.
'References' do not a good comic make. Or something like that.
  May 1, 2008 14:21
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
I believe it is meant to poke fun at the boring and repetitive quests in Assassin's Creed, where the hero's name is Altair, and the initial setting is the Holy Land (hence the "Do you really want to leave Jerusalem?" thing). The "Welcome back, Miles" thing indicates that he has Not, in fact, successfully quitMaltar: [...] I remembered a little saying I learned my first
day at the academy.
Natalie: Yeah, yeah, I know. Winners never quit and quitters
never win.
Maltar: What? No! Winners never quit and quitters should be
cast into the flaming pit of death.
        [ Snow Day, directed by Chris Koch,
         written by Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
the game of Assassin's Creed, but has instead returned to the modern world in Assassin's Creed, in which Altair's name is really Desmond Miles, and weird people in lab coats want to extract his memories.
@ May 1, 2008 15:35
First comment: 26 July, 2004 155 comments written
Glad I'm not alone. Never played it. Sounds kind of dull from what I've heard.
Vin May 1, 2008 15:57
First comment: 7 January, 2008 7 comments written
It isn't actually all that bad. The miniquests are repetitive, but stealth-killing some random prick who annoys you is always good, clean fun. Unless you get caught. Then it gets messy. Essentially, it makes a better free-roaming-sociopath simulator than mission-based game, but hey...
Grey Knight May 1, 2008 16:13
First comment: 20 October, 2005 116 comments written
References can help with a comic, but in general you need to (a) either use a subject well-known to the readers (hard to judge) or else specify it ("Greetings, Altair the HumanThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the
earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but
occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit
mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often
resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of
using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the
Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Assassin! Welcome to Nethack's Creed!" might've done it).

Also, you still need some funny for when someone inevitably doesn't get it.
Slowpoke May 1, 2008 16:53
First comment: 27 February, 2007 239 comments written
I'll give it Fair because it seems well-crafted, but like everyone else I had to go look up the reference.
Antheridium May 2, 2008 02:36
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
I figured that was Assassin's Creed, but, knowing nothing about the game, I had no idea what the "welcome back miles" was about. Indeed, at first I thought it was some kind of Star Trek reference.

Not a bad joke once it's explained. But it seems like complete nonsense at first.
Lurker Above May 2, 2008 16:08
First comment: 2 May, 2008 2 comments written
Star Trek reference? You mean Miles O'Brien?
Could also be Miles Bennett Dyson from T2.
BTW, Star Trek also had an episode with a Dyson SphereThe attack by those who want to die -- this is the attack
against which you cannot prepare a perfect defense.
                                --Human aphorism
        [ The Dosadi Experiment, by Frank Herbert ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, but it was named after physicist Freeman Dyson. Not to be confused with Gordon Freeman, another physicist who killed lots of aliens with his crowbar. Or maybe it was Gordon Gekko. Nethack has Geckos too... DO YOU SEE THE OBVIOUS PATTERN?
Antheridium May 5, 2008 19:56
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
Yes... it is THE most indirect newt(kinds of) small animal, like a lizard, which spends most of
its time in the water.
        [ Oxford's Student's Dictionary of Current English ]

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
        [ Macbeth, by William Shakespeare ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
joke in comic history. I am ashamed. Newt(kinds of) small animal, like a lizard, which spends most of
its time in the water.
        [ Oxford's Student's Dictionary of Current English ]

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
        [ Macbeth, by William Shakespeare ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
-puddingThese giant amoeboid creatures look like nothing more than
puddles of slime, but they both live and move, feeding on
metal or wood as well as the occasional dungeon explorer to
supplement their diet.

But we were not on a station platform. We were on the track ahead
as the nightmare, plastic column of fetid black iridescence oozed
tightly onward through its fifteen-foot sinus, gathering unholy
speed and driving before it a spiral, re-thickening cloud of the
pallid abyss vapor. It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster
than any subway train -- a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic
bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes
forming and unforming as pustules of greenish light all over the
tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic
penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its
kind had swept so evilly free of all litter.
        [ At the Mountains of Madness, by H.P. Lovecraft ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
Hammy August 30, 2008 16:33
First comment: 30 August, 2008 1 comments written
What, you think that if we could afford an Xbox 360 and Assassin's Creed to play for our very own as much as we want we'd be hanging around here long enough to read that joke about it? :p
MadDawg2552 October 9, 2008 20:48
First comment: 6 October, 2008 69 comments written
Heh, Hammy. I thought you wereIn 1573, the Parliament of Dole published a decree, permitting
the inhabitants of the Franche-Comte to pursue and kill a
were-wolf or loup-garou, which infested that province,
"notwithstanding the existing laws concerning the chase."
The people were empowered to "assemble with javelins,
halberds, pikes, arquebuses and clubs, to hunt and pursue the
said were-wolf in all places where they could find it, and to
take, burn, and kill it, without incurring any fine or other
penalty." The hunt seems to have been successful, if we may
judge from the fact that the same tribunal in the following
year condemned to be burned a man named Giles Garnier, who
ran on all fours in the forest and fields and devoured little
children, "even on Friday." The poor lycanthrope, it appears,
had as slight respect for ecclesiastical feasts as the French
pig, which was not restrained by any feeling of piety from
eating infants on a fast day.
        [ The History of Vampires, by Dudley Wright ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
going to say, "...if we could afford an Xbox 360 and Assasin's Creed... do you think we'd be playing NetHack?"

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