Dudley's dungeon

The gnome...  And then a gnome came by, carrying a bundle, an old
fellow three times as large as an imp and wearing clothes of
a sort, especially a hat.  And he was clearly just as frightened
as the imps though he could not go so fast.  Ramon Alonzo
saw that there must be some great trouble that was vexing
magical things; and, since gnomes speak the language of men, and
will answer if spoken to gently, he raised his hat, and asked
of the gnome his name.  The gnome did not stop his hasty
shuffle a moment as he answered 'Alaraba' and grabbed the rim
of his hat but forgot to doff it.
'What is the trouble, Alaraba?'  said Ramon Alonzo.
'White magic.  Run!'  said the gnome ..
        [ The Charwoman's Shadow, by Lord Dunsany ]

"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as
they crossed the lawn.
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron,
bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little
Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."
There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered,
and Ron straightened up.  "This is a gnome," he said grimly.
"Geroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.
It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus.  It was small and
leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like
a potato.  Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him
with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles
and turned it upside down.
  [ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J. K. Rowling ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. without a 
wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed.  I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death.  You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.'  There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet.  'Go!' said Gandalf.  With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. death[Pestilence:] And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals,
and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four
beasts saying, Come and see.  And I saw, and behold a white
horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given
unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.

[War:] And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the
second beast say, Come and see.  And there went out another
horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon
to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one
another: and there was given unto him a great sword.

[Famine:] And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the
third beast say, Come and see.  And I beheld, and lo a black
horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his
hand.  And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say,
A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley
for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.

[Death:] And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the
voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.  And I looked, and
behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death,
and Hell followed with him.  And power was given unto them over
the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with
hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
     [ Revelations of John, 6:1-8 ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details.       
    -----------     
    +..G......+     
    |.........|     
    |....@....|     
    |.........|     
    |&@G@h&@@G|     
    |@@hG@@&h@|     

The newt(kinds of) small animal, like a lizard, which spends most of
its time in the water.
        [ Oxford's Student's Dictionary of Current English ]

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
        [ Macbeth, by William Shakespeare ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. that does  
not roll natural 20s
    -----------     
    +..G.:....+     
    |.........|     
    |....@....|     
    |.........|     
    |&@G@h&@@G|     
    |@@hG@@&h@|     

The Wizard of YendorNo one knows how old this mighty wizard is, or from whence he
came.  It is known that, having lived a span far greater than
any normal man's, he grew weary of lesser mortals; and so,
spurning all human company, he forsook the dwellings of men
and went to live in the depths of the Earth.  He took with
him a dreadful artifact, the Book of the Dead, which is said
to hold great power indeed.  Many have sought to find the
wizard and his treasure, but none have found him and lived to
tell the tale.  Woe be to the incautious adventurer who
disturbs this mighty sorcerer!

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details.
that doesn't appear 
at every possible   
ironic moment       
    |.........|     
    |....@....|     
    |.........|     
    |&@G@h&@@G|     
    |@@hG@@&h@|     

And finally, the    
Dudley who doesn't  
actually suck       
    +..G.:.@.@-     
    |.........|     
    |....@....|     
    |.........|     
    |&@G@h&@@G|     
    |@@hG@@&h@|     

Oh.                 
                    
    -----------     
    +..@.%."..-     
    |.........|     
    |....@....|     
    |.........|     
    |&@G@h&@@G|     
    |@@hG@@&h@|