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Dudley's dungeon -- Tuesday, 7 February, 2006

Dudley's dungeon

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Tuesday, 7 February, 2006 by Nobody Special
                    
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@ "And now to put all those potions to good use. When the RNG gives you lemon juice..."
                    
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Q "Hold it right there, eco-villain!"
@ "Who, me?"
                    
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k "Yeah, you! Polluting this beautiful swamp?"
                    
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@ "Beautiful? I had to squash four semicolons before I could #dip without fear for my life!"
                    
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@ "You killed all those innocent fish, too? You monster!"
                    
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@ "Look, kids, it's one thing if you've got so many amulets of magical?"
                    
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G "We have no choice. This evildoer must be stopped!"
                    
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@ "Fire!"
The teenage elfThe Elves sat round the fire upon the grass or upon the sawn
rings of old trunks. Some went to and fro bearing cups and
pouring drinks; others brought food on heaped plates and
dishes.
"This is poor fare," they said to the hobbits; "for we are
lodging in the greenwood far from our halls. If ever you are
our guests at home, we will treat you better."
"It seems to me good enough for a birthday-party," said Frodo.
Pippin afterwards recalled little of either food or drink, for
his mind was filled with the light upon the elf-faces, and the
sound of voices so various and so beautiful that he felt in a
waking dream. [...]
Sam could never describe in words, nor picture clearly to
himself, what he felt or thought that night, though it remained
in his memory as one of the chief events of his life. The
nearest he ever got was to say: "Well, sir, if I could grow
apples like that, I would call myself a gardener. But it was
the singing that went to my heart, if you know what I mean."
[ The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
throws a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
fire!
                    
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G "WaterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
!"
The teenage gnome... And then a gnome came by, carrying a bundle, an old
fellow three times as large as an imp and wearing clothes of
a sort, especially a hat. And he was clearly just as frightened
as the imps though he could not go so fast. Ramon Alonzo
saw that there must be some great trouble that was vexing
magical things; and, since gnomes speak the language of men, and
will answer if spoken to gently, he raised his hat, and asked
of the gnome his name. The gnome did not stop his hasty
shuffle a moment as he answered 'Alaraba' and grabbed the rim
of his hat but forgot to doff it.
'What is the trouble, Alaraba?' said Ramon Alonzo.
'White magic. Run!' said the gnome ..
        [ The Charwoman's Shadow, by Lord Dunsany ]

"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as
they crossed the lawn.
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron,
bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little
Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."
There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered,
and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.
"Geroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.
It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and
leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like
a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him
with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles
and turned it upside down.
[ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J. K. Rowling ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
throws a potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be
potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage,
although even they find it palatable only when suffering
from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it
is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent
ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all
countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the
invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this
general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the
preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific --
and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
        [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
of WaterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
!
@ "Hey, why didn't that break?"
                    
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Q "Heart!"
The teenage quantum mechanicThese creatures are not native to this universe; they seem
to have strangely derived powers, and unknown motives.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
throws the Heart of AhrimanThe other three drew in their breath sharply, and the dark,
powerful man who stood at the head of the sarcophagus whispered:
"The Heart of Ahriman!" The other lifted a quick hand
for silence. Somewhere a dog began howling dolefully, and a
stealthy step padded outside the barred and bolted door. ...
But none looked aside from the mummy case over which the man
in the ermine-trimmed robe was now moving the great flaming
jewel, while he muttered an incantation that was old when
Atlantis sank. The glare of the gem dazzled their eyes, so
that they could not be sure what they saw; but with a
splintering crash, the carven lid of the sarcophagus burst
outward as if from some irresistible pressure applied from
within and the four men, bending eagerly forward, saw the
occupant -- a huddled, withered, wizened shape, with dried
brown limbs like dead wood showing through moldering bandages.
"Bring that thing back?" muttered the small dark man who
stood on the right, with a short, sardonic laugh. "It is
ready to crumble at a touch. We are fools ---"
        [ Conan The Conqueror, by Robert E. Howard ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
!
                    
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@ "Ooooh, I'm tremblin' in my trousers, all right."
                    
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You hit CaptainThe soldiers of Yendor are well-trained in the art of war,
many trained by the Wizard himself. Some say the soldiers
are explorers who were unfortunate enough to be captured,
and put under the Wizard's spell. Those who have survived
encounters with soldiers say they travel together in platoons,
and are fierce fighters. Because of the load of their combat
gear, however, one can usually run away from them, and doing
so is considered a wise thing.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Planet with the cockatriceOnce in a great while, when the positions of the stars are
just right, a seven-year-old rooster will lay an egg. Then,
along will come a snake, to coil around the egg, or a toad,
to squat upon the egg, keeping it warm and helping it to
hatch. When it hatches, out comes a creature called basilisk,
or cockatrice, the most deadly of all creatures. A single
glance from its yellow, piercing toad's eyes will kill both
man and beast. Its power of destruction is said to be so
great that sometimes simply to hear its hiss can prove fatal.
Its breath is so venomous that it causes all vegetation
to wither.

There is, however, one creature which can withstand the
basilisk's deadly gaze, and this is the weasel. No one knows
why this is so, but although the fierce weasel can slay the
basilisk, it will itself be killed in the struggle. Perhaps
the weasel knows the basilisk's fatal weakness: if it ever
sees its own reflection in a mirror it will perish instantly.
But even a dead basilisk is dangerous, for it is said that
merely touching its lifeless body can cause a person to
sicken and die.
[ Mythical Beasts by Deirdre Headon (The Leprechaun Library)
and other sources ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
corpse.
                    
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A "Indeed I am."
@ "Er?"
                    
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CaptainThe soldiers of Yendor are well-trained in the art of war,
many trained by the Wizard himself. Some say the soldiers
are explorers who were unfortunate enough to be captured,
and put under the Wizard's spell. Those who have survived
encounters with soldiers say they travel together in platoons,
and are fierce fighters. Because of the load of their combat
gear, however, one can usually run away from them, and doing
so is considered a wise thing.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Planet hits! CaptainThe soldiers of Yendor are well-trained in the art of war,
many trained by the Wizard himself. Some say the soldiers
are explorers who were unfortunate enough to be captured,
and put under the Wizard's spell. Those who have survived
encounters with soldiers say they travel together in platoons,
and are fierce fighters. Because of the load of their combat
gear, however, one can usually run away from them, and doing
so is considered a wise thing.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Planet hits! CaptainThe soldiers of Yendor are well-trained in the art of war,
many trained by the Wizard himself. Some say the soldiers
are explorers who were unfortunate enough to be captured,
and put under the Wizard's spell. Those who have survived
encounters with soldiers say they travel together in platoons,
and are fierce fighters. Because of the load of their combat
gear, however, one can usually run away from them, and doing
so is considered a wise thing.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Planet hits! You die...
    ------------    
   /  REST IN   \   
  /    PEACE     \  
 /                \ 
 |     Dudley     | 
 |  foiled again  | 
 |   (Curses!)    | 
 |    *  *  *     | 
 /\\_/(\/(/\)\//\/| 
@ "And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"
Inspired by a post on http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/gentopic.php?board=582497


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Rating

021311
Average rating: Good
Number of ratings: 17

Comments

Grey Knight February 7, 2006 00:34
First comment: 20 October, 2005 116 comments written
Brilliant! I was just thinking about that show recently.
Nobody Special February 7, 2006 01:56
First comment: 8 June, 2005 118 comments written
Thank you, thank you. [bows] You can think of it as a kind of spiritual sequel to
http://www.nicolaas.net/dudley/archive.php?f=20051102
what with Dudley getting killed by children and all.

On the dark side, looks like some of the special characters came out as question marks for some reason.
Panels 4 and 7- These should be em dashes.
Panels 12 and 19- These should be ellipses.
And the <small> thing didn't work quite as I thought it would. Oh, well.
L February 7, 2006 03:00
First comment: 10 February, 2005 285 comments written
There's a NH board at GameFAQs?

I like the writing in this one. Keep it up.
  February 7, 2006 03:01
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
Took a while but it was worth it.
giovans February 7, 2006 09:08
First comment: 12 December, 2005 4 comments written
I'm still laughing. Good One, this.
Just a question, why CaptainThe soldiers of Yendor are well-trained in the art of war,
many trained by the Wizard himself. Some say the soldiers
are explorers who were unfortunate enough to be captured,
and put under the Wizard's spell. Those who have survived
encounters with soldiers say they travel together in platoons,
and are fierce fighters. Because of the load of their combat
gear, however, one can usually run away from them, and doing
so is considered a wise thing.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Planet and not the Power Rangers?
They ARE young kobolds.
. February 7, 2006 17:51
First comment: 7 December, 2005 48 comments written
.
Nobody Special February 10, 2006 01:12
First comment: 8 June, 2005 118 comments written
Personally, I don't think the Power Rangers are quite as ripe for NetHack-themed satire as the Planeteers, but you could always try it...
Fathead July 19, 2006 23:02
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
I didn't know "heart" was the fifth element....
Grognor April 17, 2007 08:25
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
YAR!

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