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Tuesday, 4 December, 2007

by Kernigh

------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@@.\|...+ -----------\|...\| @ "Class, today we will practice the spell serpensortia. Wands out!"	------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\| @ "Oops..."	------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\| @ "Dudley Potter, it was not your turn to speak!"
q - a potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific -- and without science we are as the snakes and toads. [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. of polyjuice E - a potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific -- and without science we are as the snakes and toads. [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. of confusion S - a potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific -- and without science we are as the snakes and toads. [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. of amnesiaGet thee hence, nor come again, Mix not memory with doubt, Pass, thou deathlike type of pain, Pass and cease to move about! 'Tis the blot upon the brain That will show itself without. ... For, Maud, so tender and true, As long as my life endures I feel I shall owe you a debt, That I never can hope to pay; And if ever I should forget That I owe this debt to you And for your sweet sake to yours; O then, what then shall I say? - If ever I should forget, May God make me more wretched Than ever I have been yet! [ Maud, And Other Poems by Alfred, Lord Tennyson ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. Wands a - a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. lumos --More-- i	d - a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. accio e - a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. wingardium leviosa f - a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. alohomora called opening Z - an uncursed wand'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. of avada kedavra @ "But I forgot to bring that wand'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. to class!"	------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@S..@..@.+...\| \|..@.......\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\| The studentThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species. Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. zaps a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. serpensortia!
------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|....S.....\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\|	------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.(((((((S.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\| A snakeNow the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. [ Genesis 3:1-6,13-15 ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. was hidden under a desk! The snakeNow the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. [ Genesis 3:1-6,13-15 ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. bites!	------------...\| \|....@.....\|...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.((((((((.\|...\| \|.@@..@..@.+...\| \|..........\|...\| \|.(((((((S.\|...\| \|.@@@@@@@.@\|...+ -----------\|...\| @ "I cannot summon snakes, but I have to kill them."
http://dudley.nicolaas.net

Students, pack your wands in a bag.

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Average rating: Mediocre
Number of ratings: 13

Comments

Rose	December 4, 2007 00:53
First comment: 3 July, 2006	79 comments written
G for the inventory list :) The rest kind of wandered though
G	December 4, 2007 01:39
First comment: 5 October, 2005	82 comments written
Eh, I much prefer new ideas to fanfiction
Antheridium	December 4, 2007 02:45
First comment: 17 May, 2007	442 comments written
I evidently don't get it...
Eskimo	December 4, 2007 08:25
First comment: 14 April, 2004	166 comments written
A wikipedia link... that's new. Nice. Other than that... well, uh, yeah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Grey Knight	December 4, 2007 08:41
First comment: 20 October, 2005	116 comments written
What Wikipedia link? I see a Wikia one, that's it. These at least make more sense than the last batch of Harry Pothead strips, but I think you still need to be a fan -- or "interested party" at least -- to find them funny.
LoATS	December 4, 2007 23:11
First comment: 4 December, 2007	3 comments written
Dudley Potter and the Deathly Newts: Dudley fights his nemesis, The Gnome... And then a gnome came by, carrying a bundle, an old fellow three times as large as an imp and wearing clothes of a sort, especially a hat. And he was clearly just as frightened as the imps though he could not go so fast. Ramon Alonzo saw that there must be some great trouble that was vexing magical things; and, since gnomes speak the language of men, and will answer if spoken to gently, he raised his hat, and asked of the gnome his name. The gnome did not stop his hasty shuffle a moment as he answered 'Alaraba' and grabbed the rim of his hat but forgot to doff it. 'What is the trouble, Alaraba?' said Ramon Alonzo. 'White magic. Run!' said the gnome .. [ The Charwoman's Shadow, by Lord Dunsany ] "Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn. "Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods..." There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly. "Geroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome. It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down. [ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J. K. Rowling ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. With The Wand Of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority. 'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.' He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice. 'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry Saruman fell back and crawled away. [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. Avada Kedavra
Antheridium	December 5, 2007 00:14
First comment: 17 May, 2007	442 comments written
Good one, LoATS.
Fathead	December 5, 2007 16:08
First comment: 1 April, 2006	1136 comments written
That last comment was classic, and merits at least an eff.
Grognor	December 6, 2007 22:56
First comment: 4 April, 2007	1161 comments written
AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.

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Want to contribute? Write an email to dudley@nicolaas.net!

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