Dudley's dungeon

Home Comments Archive Print


Tuesday, 27 February, 2007 by Slowpoke
You succeed in      
picking the lock.   
The doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
opens. ------ @@.....| d ....| ###### ..| ---
@ "Hello. My name is Gomel Montoya. You rob-
bed my brother's liquor store. Prepare to die."
You stop.  Your     
little dogA domestic animal, the _tame dog_ (_Canis familiaris_), of
which numerous breeds exist. The male is called a dog,
while the female is called a bitch. Because of its known
loyalty to man and gentleness with children, it is the
world's most popular domestic animal. It can easily be
trained to perform various tasks.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
is in the way! Gomel hits! ------ @@.....| d ....| ###### ..| ---
Gomel is            
furious!            
                    
                    
      -------       
     d@.....|       
     #|@@...|       
######|@@...|       
      -------       
@ "I'll just step in and.. uh oh, he wasn't alone?"
@ "Hello. My name is Leuk Montoya..."
You displaced       
your little dogA domestic animal, the _tame dog_ (_Canis familiaris_), of
which numerous breeds exist. The male is called a dog,
while the female is called a bitch. Because of its known
loyalty to man and gentleness with children, it is the
world's most popular domestic animal. It can easily be
trained to perform various tasks.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. ------- @d@@...| #|@@...| ######|.....| -------
@ "...very well. Your OWNER robbed my brother's liquor store. Prepare to die."
The little dogA domestic animal, the _tame dog_ (_Canis familiaris_), of
which numerous breeds exist. The male is called a dog,
while the female is called a bitch. Because of its known
loyalty to man and gentleness with children, it is the
world's most popular domestic animal. It can easily be
trained to perform various tasks.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
is killed! ------- #@@@...| @|@....| ######|.....| -------
@ "Hello. My name is Klodzko Montoya. You rob-
bed my brother's liquor store. Prepare to die."
Nothing happens.    
                    
                    
                    
      -------       
     @@@....|       
     @|.....|       
###@@#|.....|       
      -------       
@ "Hello. My name is Gomel Montoya. You robbed my br..."
@ "Stop SAYING that!"


http://dudley.nicolaas.net
Want to contribute? Write an email to dudley@nicolaas.net!
Powered by Nics
<< Previous<< First Random  Today >> Next >>

Rating

22261
Average rating: Fair
Number of ratings: 13

Comments

G February 27, 2007 02:12
First comment: 5 October, 2005 82 comments written
Not terrible as much as too long
Kernigh February 27, 2007 04:12
First comment: 6 April, 2005 349 comments written
Meanwhile in the news...

` ` ` ` NEW SHOPPING CENTER LOSES ENTIRE INVENTORY
` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` Surving Shopkeers Plan Revenge
` ` Matagami Properties had filled The Mall Of Angmagssalik with eager tenants, including a cinema, four department stores, over a dozen food vendors and nearly a hundred smaller shops, all expecting a crowded grand opening. But the otherwise careful preparations failed to account for a crowd that was less human and more catImagine a sealed container, so perfectly constructed that no
physical influence can pass either inwards or outwards across its
walls. Imagine that inside the container is a cat, and also a
device that can be triggered by some quantum event. If that event
takes place, then the device smashes a phial containing cyanide and
the cat is killed. If the event does not take place, the cat lives
on. In Schroedinger's original version, the quantum event was the
decay of a radioactive atom. ... To the outside observer, the cat
is indeed in a linear combination of being alive and dead, and only
when the container is finally opened would the cat's state vector
collapse into one or the other. On the other hand, to a (suitably
protected) observer inside the container, the cat's state-vector
would have collapsed much earlier, and the outside observer's
linear combination has no relevance.
        [ The Emperor's New Mind, by Roger Penrose ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
and dogA domestic animal, the _tame dog_ (_Canis familiaris_), of
which numerous breeds exist. The male is called a dog,
while the female is called a bitch. Because of its known
loyalty to man and gentleness with children, it is the
world's most popular domestic animal. It can easily be
trained to perform various tasks.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
` ` When the doors opened, housecats, dogs, ponies and other pets rushed through all entrances. Over the repetitive howling, yipping and purring, the animals dragged all of the new merchandise from the shelves and brought them to the parking lot outside, where their owners had apparently stockpiled apples and tripeIf you start from scratch, cooking tripe is a long-drawn-out
affair. Fresh whole tripe calls for a minimum of 12 hours of
cooking, some time-honored recipes demanding as much as 24.
To prepare fresh tripe, trim if necessary. Wash it thoroughly,
soaking overnight, and blanch, for 1/2 hour in salted water.
Wash well again, drain and cut for cooking. When cooked, the
texture of tripe should be like that of soft gristle. More
often, alas, because the heat has not been kept low enough,
it has the consistency of wet shoe leather.
        [ Joy of Cooking, by I Rombauer and M Becker ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
rations as rewards.
` ` Some mall and shop employees fled, while others tried to fight the enemy menace without much success. "Whenever I killed a catImagine a sealed container, so perfectly constructed that no
physical influence can pass either inwards or outwards across its
walls. Imagine that inside the container is a cat, and also a
device that can be triggered by some quantum event. If that event
takes place, then the device smashes a phial containing cyanide and
the cat is killed. If the event does not take place, the cat lives
on. In Schroedinger's original version, the quantum event was the
decay of a radioactive atom. ... To the outside observer, the cat
is indeed in a linear combination of being alive and dead, and only
when the container is finally opened would the cat's state vector
collapse into one or the other. On the other hand, to a (suitably
protected) observer inside the container, the cat's state-vector
would have collapsed much earlier, and the outside observer's
linear combination has no relevance.
        [ The Emperor's New Mind, by Roger Penrose ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, another catWell-known quadruped domestic animal from the family of
predatory felines (_Felis ochreata domestica_), with a thick,
soft pelt; often kept as a pet. Various folklores have the
cat associated with magic and the gods of ancient Egypt.

So Ulthar went to sleep in vain anger; and when the people
awakened at dawn - behold! Every cat was back at his
accustomed hearth! Large and small, black, grey, striped,
yellow and white, none was missing. Very sleek and fat did
the cats appear, and sonorous with purring content.
        [ The Cats of Ulthar, by H.P. Lovecraft ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
would just eat its corpse,"
complained shopkeeperThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the
earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but
occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit
mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often
resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of
using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the
Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
Inishbofin.
` ` But the most lethal disaster involved an Umber hulkUmber hulks are powerful subterranean predators whose
iron-like claws allow them to burrow through solid stone in
search of prey. They are tremendously strong; muscles bulge
beneath their thick, scaly hides and their powerful arms and
legs all end in great claws.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
that had managed to bore through the shop walls and slay at least ten of the shopkeepers. Mall security attempted to fight the hulkUmber hulks are powerful subterranean predators whose
iron-like claws allow them to burrow through solid stone in
search of prey. They are tremendously strong; muscles bulge
beneath their thick, scaly hides and their powerful arms and
legs all end in great claws.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, but most shooted or clubbed the wrong direction. "It was a confusing experience," moaned a wounded guardThese strange creatures live mostly on the surface of the
earth, gathering together in societies of various forms, but
occasionally a stray will descend into the depths and commit
mayhem among the dungeon residents who, naturally, often
resent the intrusion of such beasts. They are capable of
using weapons and magic, and it is even rumored that the
Wizard of Yendor is a member of this species.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
` ` [Early today, a spokesperson of the Association of Pet Food Vendors denied the existence of Umber hulks.]
` ` "Shopkeeping is not a profitable occuption," explained Professor Jiu of the University of Dobrinishte. "The only solution to shoplifting is to outlaw shopkeeping."
` ` However Carignan, President of Matagami Properties, remained defiant. "If we cannot succeed on the surface, then we will move into the dungeons, and we will adopt stricter procedures for revenge against robbers and burglars. Petshopping will not anymore be tolerated."
Eskimo February 27, 2007 08:31
First comment: 14 April, 2004 166 comments written
This gets a good (but that's just because of the "news") just in case we can sometimes search an archive for "good or better".
Nesman February 27, 2007 16:29
First comment: 4 January, 2005 112 comments written
Anybody that gave this a poor rating must have missed the reference.
Talita February 27, 2007 18:29
First comment: 7 February, 2007 20 comments written
I don't get the reference. What is it?
SQLGuru February 27, 2007 20:15
First comment: 23 October, 2006 77 comments written
The Princess Bride.
IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/
And of course the requisite reading: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/quotes (search for just about any dialog with Inigo Montoya).

Layne
Mighty Tater February 27, 2007 20:48
First comment: 8 February, 2007 15 comments written
"He wasn't alone? Inconceivable!"
Dav February 27, 2007 21:06
First comment: 26 June, 2004 147 comments written
I've seen The Princess Bride maybe 10 times, and I rated this mediocre because it just isn't very funny.
Slowpoke February 27, 2007 23:18
First comment: 27 February, 2007 239 comments written
For what little it's worth, Kernigh seems to have sussed out that the strip was more of a contemplation of what would happen if the shopkeepers as a class ever started to wise up a little, with Princess Bride used as the means of expressing the vengeance motive, than an attempt to graft the memorable lines from that movie into the Dudley milieu. Doing the latter would be one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war[Pestilence:] And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals,
and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four
beasts saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a white
horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given
unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.

[War:] And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the
second beast say, Come and see. And there went out another
horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon
to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one
another: and there was given unto him a great sword.

[Famine:] And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the
third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black
horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his
hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say,
A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley
for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.

[Death:] And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the
voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and
behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death,
and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over
the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with
hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
[ Revelations of John, 6:1-8 ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never do movie parodies in Dudley's Dungeon.
Kernigh February 28, 2007 05:51
First comment: 6 April, 2005 349 comments written
Meanwhile I know more about NetHack than about movies. Maybe the shopkeepers should build a cinema in the dungeon?
Grognor April 22, 2007 09:23
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
BOOM

Grognor has tragically... exploded.

http://dudley.nicolaas.net
Want to contribute? Write an email to dudley@nicolaas.net!
Powered by Nics
<< Previous<< First Random  Today >> Next >>