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Dudley's dungeon -- Friday, 13 May, 2005

Dudley's dungeon

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Friday, 13 May, 2005 by L
                    
                    
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@ "We're the ultimate team, aren't we, Dudley?"
@ "That's right, Dudley!"
                    
                    
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The gnome... And then a gnome came by, carrying a bundle, an old
fellow three times as large as an imp and wearing clothes of
a sort, especially a hat. And he was clearly just as frightened
as the imps though he could not go so fast. Ramon Alonzo
saw that there must be some great trouble that was vexing
magical things; and, since gnomes speak the language of men, and
will answer if spoken to gently, he raised his hat, and asked
of the gnome his name. The gnome did not stop his hasty
shuffle a moment as he answered 'Alaraba' and grabbed the rim
of his hat but forgot to doff it.
'What is the trouble, Alaraba?' said Ramon Alonzo.
'White magic. Run!' said the gnome ..
        [ The Charwoman's Shadow, by Lord Dunsany ]

"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as
they crossed the lawn.
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron,
bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little
Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."
There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered,
and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.
"Geroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.
It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and
leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like
a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him
with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles
and turned it upside down.
[ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J. K. Rowling ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
zaps a wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
polymorph! You and Dudley merge into an ettinThe two-headed giant, or ettin, is a vicious and unpredictable
hunter that stalks by night and eats any meat it can catch.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
!
                    
                    
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H "But from now on, I got dibs on the helmets, understand?"


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Number of ratings: 6

Comments

Nifrith May 13, 2005 00:11
First comment: 25 April, 2005 18 comments written
This is funny. Reminds me of a Series 2 (possibly 1?) Red DwarfDwarfs have faces like men (ugly men, with wrinkled, leathery
skins), but are generally either flat-footed, duck-footed, or
have feet pointing backwards. They are of the earth, earthy,
living in the darkest of caverns and venturing forth only
with the cloaks by which they can make themselves invisible,
and others disguised as toads. Miners often come across them,
and sometimes establish reasonably close relations with them.
... The miners of Cornwall were always delighted to hear a
bucca busily mining away, for all dwarfs have an infallible
nose for precious metals.
Among other things, dwarfs are rightly valued for their skill
as blacksmiths and jewellers: they made Odin his famous spear
Gungnir, and Thor his hammer; for Freya they designed a
magnificent necklace, and for Frey a golden boar. And in their
spare time they are excellent bakers. Ironically, despite
their odd feet, they are particularly fond of dancing. They
can also see into the future, and consequently are excellent
meteorologists. They can be free with presents to people
they like, and a dwarvish gift is likely to turn to gold in
the hand. But on the whole they are a snappish lot.
[ The Immortals, by Derek and Julia Parker ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
episode.
Kernigh May 13, 2005 01:05
First comment: 6 April, 2005 349 comments written
I can get blood vials (through the Google ad)! What happens if I dip one in fruit juice?
The Bard of Blasphemy May 13, 2005 05:25
First comment: 13 May, 2005 46 comments written
Having two heads in Hack would be great! You could get the advantage of wearing two blessed items instead of one.

Imagine if there was a patch for wearing gloves and boots so that it was like putting on rings - you can choose what handfoot to put the single shoeglove on. You could have a glove of strength on one hand, and a glove of dexterity on the other etc.

I guess the downside would be: if you had only one speed bootIn Fantasyland these are remarkable in that they seldom or
never wear out and are suitable for riding or walking in
without the need of Socks. Boots never pinch, rub, or get
stones in them; nor do nails stick upwards into the feet from
the soles. They are customarily mid-calf length or knee-high,
slip on and off easily and never smell of feet. Unfortunately,
the formula for making this splendid footwear is a closely
guarded secret, possibly derived from nonhumans (see Dwarfs,
Elves, and Gnomes).
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, and one levitation bootIn Fantasyland these are remarkable in that they seldom or
never wear out and are suitable for riding or walking in
without the need of Socks. Boots never pinch, rub, or get
stones in them; nor do nails stick upwards into the feet from
the soles. They are customarily mid-calf length or knee-high,
slip on and off easily and never smell of feet. Unfortunately,
the formula for making this splendid footwear is a closely
guarded secret, possibly derived from nonhumans (see Dwarfs,
Elves, and Gnomes).
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, you'd probably get ripped in half.

Question: Where are the sweatshops located in hack that make all this stuff? Is that why you never see young hobbits, dwarfs and gnomes etc?
The Bard of Blasphemy May 13, 2005 05:29
First comment: 13 May, 2005 46 comments written
Ah, I see now that the forward slash key is out of bounds. I guess that's what the preview button is meant for... The appearance and disappearance of italix indicates the presence of a forward slash in both cases. Oh dear, first post and already appearing foolish. hmmmmmm
Kernigh May 13, 2005 06:37
First comment: 6 April, 2005 349 comments written
A reporter from the Minetown Digger visits one factory filled with litter.

The secret of making nethack's armor is to stack a pile of disused item. Zap wand of'Saruman!' he cried, and his voice grew in power and authority.
'Behold, I am not Gandalf the Grey, whom you betrayed. I am
Gandalf the White, who has returned from death. You have no
colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.'
He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in a clear cold voice.
'Saruman, your staff is broken.' There was a crack, and the
staff split asunder in Saruman's hand, and the head of it
fell down at Gandalf's feet. 'Go!' said Gandalf. With a cry
Saruman fell back and crawled away.
        [ The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
polymorph to open doorThrough me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
        [ The Inferno, from The Divine Comedy of Dante
                Alighieri, translated by H.F. Cary ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
to nice gloves, boots, helms, clothes, shields to fight them. Retailers around the dungeon accept goldA metal of characteristic yellow colour, the most precious
metal used as a common commercial medium of exchange. Symbol,
Au; at. no. 79; at. wt. 197.2. It is the most malleable
and ductile of all metals, and very heavy (sp. gr., 19.3).
It is quite unalterable by heat, moisture, and most
corrosive agents, and therefore well suited for its use in
coin and jewelry.
[ Webster's New International Dictionary
         of the English Language, Second Edition ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
which we use to hire some hobbits and moldMold, multicellular organism of the division Fungi, typified
by plant bodies composed of a network of cottony filaments.
The colors of molds are due to spores borne on the filaments.
Most molds are saprophytes. Some species (e.g., penicillium)
are used in making cheese and antibiotics.
        [ The Concise Columbia Encyclopedia ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.

"Where find you these wands of polymorph?" asked this reporter. The dwarfDwarfs have faces like men (ugly men, with wrinkled, leathery
skins), but are generally either flat-footed, duck-footed, or
have feet pointing backwards. They are of the earth, earthy,
living in the darkest of caverns and venturing forth only
with the cloaks by which they can make themselves invisible,
and others disguised as toads. Miners often come across them,
and sometimes establish reasonably close relations with them.
... The miners of Cornwall were always delighted to hear a
bucca busily mining away, for all dwarfs have an infallible
nose for precious metals.
Among other things, dwarfs are rightly valued for their skill
as blacksmiths and jewellers: they made Odin his famous spear
Gungnir, and Thor his hammer; for Freya they designed a
magnificent necklace, and for Frey a golden boar. And in their
spare time they are excellent bakers. Ironically, despite
their odd feet, they are particularly fond of dancing. They
can also see into the future, and consequently are excellent
meteorologists. They can be free with presents to people
they like, and a dwarvish gift is likely to turn to gold in
the hand. But on the whole they are a snappish lot.
[ The Immortals, by Derek and Julia Parker ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
replied thus, "Easy! The elves at one floor above us take flasks and in holy water"We want a word with you," said Ligur (in a tone of voice
intended to imply that "word" was synonymous with "horrifically
painful eternity"), and the squat demon pushed open the office
door.
The bucket teetered, then fell neatly on Ligur's head.
Drop a lump of sodium in water. Watch it flame and burn and
spin around crazily, flaring and sputtering. This was like
that, just nastier.
The demon peeled and flared and flickered. Oily brown smoke
oozed from it, and it screamed and it screamed and it screamed.
Then it crumpled, folded in on itself, and what was left lay
glistening on the burnt and blackened circle of carpet, looking
like a handful of mashed slugs.
"Hi," said Crowley to Hastur, who had been walking behind Ligur,
and had unfortunately not been so much as splashed.
There are some things that are unthinkable; there are some
depths that not even demons would believe other demons would
stoop to.
". . . Holy water. You bastard," said Hastur. "You complete
_bastard_. He hadn't never done nothing to _you_."
"Yet," corrected Crowley.
        [ Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
dip scrolls breezy." The blessed scrolls of charging power those wands that make new mithril_Mithril_! All folk desired it. It could be beaten like
copper, and polished like glass; and the Dwarves could make
of it a metal, light and yet harder than tempered steel.
Its beauty was like to that of common silver, but the beauty
of _mithril_ did not tarnish or grow dim.
        [ The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
armors from each old mat.
eskimo May 13, 2005 10:49
First comment: 25 March, 2004 9 comments written
Nice, feels original again...
Anonymous May 13, 2005 14:17
First comment: 3 September, 2004 29 comments written
You could just put a backslash before the symbol you want to use, like *this*, or perhaps, /this/.
  May 14, 2005 05:00
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
Mr. (Mrs.?) L has been doing some very good comics latley. This one is really funny. Keep sending those in, L!



HAHAHA
According to the google adds, I can meet thousands of gothic singles, get a book about copyrights, get a list of baby names or download letter templates. None of these have anything to do with NetHack or Dudley.
L May 14, 2005 10:11
First comment: 10 February, 2005 285 comments written
I regret (?) to inform you that I'm neither female nor married. But thanks for the compliments!

The reason ettins can't wear two amulets is because the magic of each amulet"The complete Amulet can keep off all the things that make
people unhappy -- jealousy, bad temper, pride, disagreeableness,
greediness, selfishness, laziness. Evil spirits, people called
them when the Amulet was made. Don't you think it would be nice
to have it?"
"Very," said the children, quite without enthusiasm.
"And it can give you strength and courage."
"That's better," said Cyril.
"And virtue."
"I suppose it's nice to have that," said Jane, but not with much
interest.
"And it can give you your heart's desire."
"Now you're talking," said Robert.
        [ The Story of the Amulet, by Edith Nesbit ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
resists the other's effects. And wearing two plastic amulets is useless...
Kernigh May 14, 2005 21:09
First comment: 6 April, 2005 349 comments written
<humor>That Google ad gives me an idea. I will copyright some of these comics and sell Dudley^H^H^H^H^H^HDuckly's Dungeon comic books! Oops, it said "copywrite", not "copyright". I think "copywrite" means to post three times under one comic.</humor>
Violist May 14, 2005 21:59
First comment: 25 June, 2004 206 comments written
Excellent comic, took me a little bit to get it.. reminds me of the giantGiants have always walked the earth, though they are rare in
these times. They range in size from little over nine feet
to a towering twenty feet or more. The larger ones use huge
boulders as weapons, hurling them over large distances. All
types of giants share a love for men - roasted, boiled, or
fried. Their table manners are legendary.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
in Monty PythonNow the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field
which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea,
hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of
the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is
in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of
it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent
said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: for God doth
know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be
opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And
when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it
was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one
wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also
unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou
hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I
did eat. And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou
hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above
every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and
dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: And I will put
enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her
seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
        [ Genesis 3:1-6,13-15 ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
's Holy Grail...
Fathead June 6, 2006 23:05
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
Er, was Kernigh writing in reverse?
Grognor April 12, 2007 06:44
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
You wear 2 amulets of life saving. You die... --More--
But wait! Your medallions begin to glow! --More--
You just wasted 2 amulets of life saving. --More--
You are now immortal.
Everything looks SO boring now.

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